Yes, I’m going to talk about the infamous fuck boy. Everyone has run into one or ten in their lifetime. Whether you dealt directly with one, you know someone who has, or you are one yourself, it has happened. Unfortunately, I have been with more than one. Some may say I can chalk it up as an “L, you live and learn”. I would say yes I have lived and learned a lot from my bad choices in who I decided to give my time. However, there were some benefits in dealing with those fuck boys. I looked at messing around with a fuck boy as a very expensive lesson but valuable.

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Now granted most fuck boys are selfish womanizers. They will do whatever it takes to benefit themselves at the same time constantly lying and breaking hearts. The fuck boy is unapologetic, to say the least, but honestly, ninety percent of the time show you who they are in for the first week of knowing them. Now I know you are thinking, why would anyone decide to mess with a fuck boy if we know all this? I’m glad you asked…..

For Great Sex

Unless you have been hiding up under a rock some place or do not have HBO, you would know Lawrence from Insecure has become a fuck boy. Hey, Tasha called him out on it during episode three of the second season titled ‘Hella Open’. The thing is Tasha was not thinking Lawrence was much of a fuck boy and rather a great fuck when he was blowing that back out. See most fuck boys come with great sex. This is the main reason women keep them around even though the boy is not providing anything else we acquire. The moment he shows his true blue colors, ie. stop calling, we find out about his other life aka the one he lives when he is not with you, or whatever it is, we then want to call him on the bullshit we already knew.

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The Plus One

If you have a decent fuck boy, yeah who knew those existed, you can both use each other. The decent fuck boy has a bit of a conscience so if you need a plus one to an event he would more than likely go with you. Please believe he will be asking to borrow money, use your vehicle or something for compensation for that date he just went on with you. The convenience of having a fuck boy around is a good benefit for women who do not want to take the time to invest in a quality man. Fuck boys are always around when they are getting something out of the deal.

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The Learning Opportunity

Like I admitted in the beginning, I have dealt with more than one fuck boy. The biggest benefit for me was learning how to spot them. After my last fuck boy encounter, I realized what I was doing to attract such fuckery, I was not setting standards for myself. Back then all you had to do was give me a conversation, throw a couple of compliments my way, most importantly sex me good and I was all yours. One of the fuck boys told me the real deal and how boys prey on women. The only choose women who they can pass time with until they get the girl they really want, never a need to take her out the house, and my favorite they go for the one with the lowest self-esteem.

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After hearing all of that, I declared never to waste any more time on a fuck boy. Now do not get me wrong they make for great male friends. It’s very entertaining to see how fuck boys are stronger than ever. Even married men, yup, are out here in these streets. Hey, I guess fuck boys will never be a dying breed….

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Social-Media-GIFs

So I now know I’m not the only one that wakes in the morning and before brushing my teeth I grab my smartphone to get on social media. The starting line up is Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, then Snapchat, in that order. I leave Snapchat for last since the stories on my timeline usually take me anywhere to 10 to 15 minutes to fully watch. PIU, problematic internet use, is what doctors are saying we have. It is classified as an addiction. I completely disagree.

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Last week however one of my followers on Instagram posted the meme above. It is cute or whateva but I love how much social media has evolved over the twenty years I had active accounts. This could be the millennial in me…..Millennials are the 1980s and the latest 2004  in case you were wondering. Seriously though, I love the way we communicate now. Given the fact that I have been working in communications my whole working career, I rather slide into someone DMs instead of calling all the time. I also enjoy posting any new hot restaurants, clubs, parks, or vacations I have been on. This does not mean I do not properly engage with the person or people I am with at that time.

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My social media accounts have not been created just to look at someone else life. They give me exclusives on concerts, new music by my favorite artist, movies that have not been advertised a lot, new television shows, and so much more. There is more good than bad to me on social media. It goes back to what I always say, it is who you follow that may make it not interesting. There are accounts such as Amanda Seales and MissDiddy that I follow for two different reasons. Amanda is funny as hell but keeps it real about the #StayWoke movement and everything pretty much that we thirty somethings go through. MissDiddy, I have been following her career for years now. From the outside looking in it seems like she lives a life of luxury. The reason why I love her, she shows all behind the scenes on how she is achieving the different milestones in her life. That motivates me and reminds me the grind never stops. Then I follow natural hair vloggers and fitness people. Honestly, the list goes on and there is a purpose as to why I have hit that follow button.

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Facebook is mainly to stay connected to co-workers, family, and childhood friends. Outside of that, you can see the tumbleweeds on that account. My twitter was set up originally for my random come to Jesus thoughts, moments, and to make a guy jealous (Y’all already know I’m petty). Currently, I use it for my brand, help promote other brands, and random thoughts. Snapchat is my own reality show, I love documenting a piece of my life on there.

I will agree that some things should be kept off social media. My relationship is rarely displayed on my social media. This is not because of trifling individuals that use social media as a tool to destroy happy homes, it’s just because that is a part of my life I do not feel like displaying 24/7. My family also do not make a lot of appearances. The fact I use my accounts for my brand, I do not feel the need to mix too much other than myself into it all.

Anyone who feels sharing different things on social media is a distraction should definitely exit stage left. I for one love social media and feel it is necessary for our culture. I have built relationships with people I would have never met if it was not for social media. It helps bring awareness to things a lot of millennials would not know about. So my social media accounts are here to stay.

deal with it

bey crazy

Sundays are either ending of the week or beginning. For me, it is the beginning of the week. I’m usually putting the finishing touches on my weekend and getting ready for the work week. Unlike the glamours lives of the folks, I follow on Instagram and Snapchat I do have a 9-5. As I reflect on the prior week it got me to thinking about the interview I heard on Insecuritea: The Insecure Aftershow. Yvonne Orji and Jay Ellis were the guest on the episode, Yvonne plays Molly and Jay plays the infamous Lawrence. Yvonne said you have to be someone who is willing to date your level of crazy. Wow so simply put but yet there are a lot of things to unravel with that statement.  What if you have not identified your brand of crazy yet? Do not worry, I’m here to help.

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Identify What’s Your Crazy

There are levels to crazy. You can have the pop off queens/king, who do not care whos around she/he will go off in public of any minimal sign of disrespect. Then you have the quiet crazy….you know the one that will not say anything right at first but as soon as they get some liquor courage you better hide. There are many identities when dealing with someone who has a crazy streak. The first step is identifying which one are you.

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Which Crazy Deserves A Relationship

THEY ALL DO!!! I honestly believe in the saying that there is someone for everyone. With that being said, you still have to be someone that you care about flaws in all. If you see that their brand of crazy is a bit much for you, do not be selfish, just end the relationship. Allow someone that can handle that package the opportunity instead of trying to change them.

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Unpacking Your Crazy

Remember what I told you before, there are levels to the ish. I like to think I’m a master at this part. It took until I was 27 but I found someone that was worth be unpacking my crazy onto. Granted we did not start our committed relationship until 2016, he still was exposed to my brand of crazy. Oh, and I was introduced to his, which I nickname Baby Kanye. The fact of the matter is, when everything was exposed, we still stuck around. My advice is to unpack in the first 90 days of dating. Stop hiding who you really are in fear they will not except you.

My brand of crazy is only meant to be handled by a very strong individual. When looking at the past relationships and how they ended, I see now they were not built for ever after. My opinion the relationship and vibe seem to work when your brand of crazy matches. I have to admit I’m not as crazy as my man, but we are truly equally crazy about one another.

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Let me just get into it, INSECURE season freaking two starts today at 10:30 pm eastern time. Listen if you read my post about the show, you already I’m a huge Issa Rae fan. So needless to say, my phone will be on DND tonight. I was able to check a couple of interviews Issa has done about the second season and she gave a little tea on what to look forward to for the new season. She mentions her character will be going through the infamous “hoe phase”. Now if you have not got to that point in your life yet or even confused on what I’m referring to, allow me to explain. The hoe phase is something every male or female must embark on some point and time in their life. Most women however either go through it during college years and/or after a really bad break up. Now let’s be clear, the hoe phase does not necessarily mean you are going to bustin it wide open for a real one. As the urban dictionary puts it….

A phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. These activities do not always end in sex, but can lead to it. You have a high tendency to dance provocatively with strangers, be a tease in social settings, flirt non-stop, kiss and/or make-out with others, and get caught up in the moment. This phase helps you establish what you like and don’t, explore your sexuality, and have fun. You have the ability to stop these actions or snap out of the phase.

 

I for one did it after I ended a long term relationship. I was pretty young but for a good two years, I was outchea. The period in my life I learn a lot about myself. It literally shaped me become the baddie I am today.

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The thing is, you can not stay a hoe for long. That hoe phase is only meant to be just that….a freaking PHASE. Not a life choice or full-time gig you embark on to define your feminity or masculinity. I honestly feel people forget that and then get mad when they are single AF with no one to mingle with. Hey….do not shoot the messager. So yeah, I’m really excited to see how Issa goes through her hoe phase and what Lawrence is up to, probably still blowing chicks back out.

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Please head over to BlackandSexyTV and subscribe to this network. The shows on there are incredible and they touch on some of everything. I have been a loyal fan for over seven years now. The content and characters they have developed are beyond ahmazin. My favorite shows currently are Sexless, Chef Julian, and Dear Miller. Like I literally want to move to Los Angeles to be a part of this network it is that good. The founders of BlackandSexyTV Dennis Dortch and Numa Perrier have kept me coming back for more each year.

Sexless season three ended last night and let me tell you I’m soooo happy with what went down with my two favorite characters Julian and Wendy. Now I’m not into providing spoiler alerts so I will not give you any deets. Just please go over to support this black network and binge watch Sexless and Chef Julian. I promise you will not be disappointed.

girls trip

Have you seen Girls Trip yet?!?! If not, go ahead finish reading this post and then head to your nearest theater. When I say a laugh factory from start to finish, this movie is a must see. It’s definitely a summer film you will go with your girls to see. I went with my cousin Kimberlynn, and we settled on she was Lisa, Jada Pinkett’s character the mom of the group but after enough alcohol ish goes down. I was Dina, Tiffany Haddish’s character, the turn-up/pop off the queen. Oh, I forgot to mention the ahmazin eye candy in there. Larenz Tate fine self in there giving us Love Jones 2017. Then you know Kofi fine, chocolate, black diamond dripping, just beautiful young tender in there too. Thank me later.

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girlfriend

So I have been watching the first season of Girlfriends. I loved this show back in the day. However, I was only fourteen and had no clue about the issues this show discussed. Now being a sexy thirty, I see, Joan was a dumb ass. From the beginning and til’ the freaking end. Her obsession with trying to control every aspect of her life was exhausting. 

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It got me to thinking,  am I like that? Do I want everything to go my way and if it does not I chalk it up as a “not meant to be” rather than, having patience? My thirties years on earth will be coming to an end in less than three months. I will be, God willing, officially in my thirties. Granted I have definitely put a dent into owning my purpose but I have to admit I still have a lot of work to complete. 

If memory serves me correct, Joan at one point lost it all. The man, friends, and career. I never want to be in the predicament. Looking at this show now I see why it wasn’t always showing black women in the best light. I guess that’s why I have a problem with Being Mary Jane. How come black successful women can not be portrayed in loving marriages? Or even a healthy relationship? Do society only see us as women that sleep with married men, beg for someone to love us or some settling bitches that can barely keep a man? 

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Listen my motto is honesty is the best policy. Speaking and living in my truth every day makes me the strong women that wake up in the morning. Skeletons in the closet? You better believe it!! The only difference between TSJ five years ago and TSJ today, she would have been ashamed to admit them back then. No, I’m not perfect and never strive to be either. TSJ is just a too loud mouth, lovable, extra, and passionate black girl from the hood. Never allowed my surrounding nor circumstances dictate my future. 

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