Take Away The Sex….Then What?

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Most women would say not much to the question in this title. Sex has become the “deal breaker” in a lot of relationships. Something so precious and meant to be sacred is now just the normalcy of most relationships. Men pride themselves on getting the females into bed quickly while some women confused having great sex with a guy is him loving her. The harsh reality of this all, in my opinion, both men and women are creating more harm than good when a relationship is based on sex.

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The fact I’m not private about being celibate in my current relationship…..the shock never gets old when people find out. I have made the decision to wait until I’m someone’s wife before I have sex again. Trust me when I tell you it was not an easy decision. Especially the sexual background I had. My decision was not based on heartbreak from a man, its strictly because my walk will aline with my talk. I’m a strong woman of God and in order for me to represent the body of Christ correctly, I must lead by example. What is funny though when I tell people their reactions and what I’m thinking about when I get questions like “how long you been doing that? oh, girl you a strong one, I could not do that” or “he’s okay with that? that’s different”

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If I was having sex in my relationship now and it was removed you would have an unbreakable bond left. Not to brag but my relationship is amazing. Our journey to the road we are currently at now has been earth-shattering. The highs and lows of this love were designed in a way that strengthens us both as adults. But enough about our love…I mention all of that to say sex is a non-factor and we still have a great relationship. Many women I have come across in the last five years believe that in order to have a successful relationship now of days it has to be burning up in the bedroom. Ladies, ladies….please stop selling yourself so short.

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I’m always speaking from experience, taking sex out of the equation helps strengthen a relationship. You do not have all the smoking mirrors when sex is involved. The two of you are 100% thinking with a clear head and seeing the true value in one another.

If you are like most women, you probably already put so much value on sex. I know before my current relationship I did too. That was a huge mistake. Truth time….OUR VAGINAS ARE ALL THEE SAME. Meaning whether it’s you or someone else, he can pretty much get the same deal. The fact you believe you are the only one that can satisfy him or the sex you have with him is what keeps him around isn’t a great way of thinking. I learned I wanted to be a priority to my man, the one he opens up to emotionally, take serious, vacations with…. he’s go-to for everything in life. Not just a nut and occasional pillow talk.

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Trust me I’m not judging the folks who choose to have sex before marriage. I was that woman at one time as well. It took several years, a serious breakdown and seeking God to get me to know my worth. I received my revelation from God that those relationships I entertained for so many years were not just based on sex but lead solely on a sexual foundation. They would have ended as soon as I decided to remove sex.

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So I simply ask you though…take away the sex from the equation. Even if you are not in a relationship and just are dating, how is your dating life if you reframed from sex? What kind of relationship foundation would you have? Is there still trust? do you still like/love him? is that obsession still there? Would your significant other stick around?

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Comment Below

5 Comments

  1. Angel
    February 4, 2018 / 5:17 pm

    I agree, the foundation of a relationship needs to be built on things bigger than sex in order for it to last. So many times there are women you come across and when you start having “girl talk” about their “relationship” all they can offer is sex stories that they feel the room is supposed to stand up and applaud her for. But what does he do for your insides without literally being inside you???

    • sincerelyurstsj
      February 4, 2018 / 10:12 pm

      Yes!! The sad part is they wouldn’t be able to really answer that question.

  2. Carlys
    February 4, 2018 / 7:38 pm

    🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾……. Real talk. Many people get caught up in sex but when you take it out of the equation, they don’t even like the other person!

  3. Mariah
    February 7, 2018 / 10:05 am

    In my opinion it all depends on the people within the relationship. Whatever works best for them. Some people have to put restrictions on sex to Focus on one another while some others don’t. It’s all about being on the same page as your partner and making sure y’all needs are met.

    My husband and I started having sex a few months into to our relationship(dating) and we are still going strong to this day. Take away the sex and that’s still my bff/lover for life. In my opinion, sex has to be ATLEAST good ! I can’t tie myself to you for life (marriage) and not be getting satisfied at home or say “ until death do us part” when I don’t know if he can satisfy me sexually. Nothing worst that loving everything about a man, except that he can’t please you in the bedroom. OMG it’s the worst lol.

    My highschool sweetheart had me in that situation. It was so tough to stay faithful. II found myself lusting over other guys or imagining other men while in bed with him which made me feel horrible. We ended up breaking up my junior year of college. I couldn’t take it anymore , Being sexually satisfied is a need for me and he was taking care of everything but this p*ssy.

    Then I have a friend that is married. Her husbands a nice guy. She loves everything about him except the dick. Before they were married she really believed that she could teach him to be better , then it was “ sex isn’t that big of deal we’ll get through it “ now fast forward 2 years later, She still isn’t happy in bed and ended up stepping out on her marriage. But to play devils advocate my sister is on a similar journey as you. Dating this guy for 2 years and from what they say haven’t fucked and won’t until they jump they jump the broom. I don’t know how the hell he’s doing it but it makes sense for my sister . She is maybe the least sexual person I’ve ever met lol so it’s workimg for them lol.

    In all, know yourself. If sex isn’t important/deal breaker then you can afford to wait until marriage or take sex out the equation . However if you know you’re a very sexual person and need to be satisfied sexually to be happy , you may want to test drive that car before driving it off the marriage lot .

    There’s no one destinated route to happiness so it doesn’t matter what route you take , just as long as you get there. Different strokes for different folks.

    • sincerelyurstsj
      February 7, 2018 / 1:51 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment. 🤗

      I wrote this post coming from a Christian standpoint. When God is the executor of your life and head of your relationship, sex is NEVER a deciding factor whether a relationship will progress or not. A lot of women and men would probably agree with you. However, for me sex is not important anymore. I do not need to test drive a man to see if he pleases me sexually if his spiritual values are not aligned with mine…..because that right there is a deal breaker.

      Also if you are with someone that you aren’t having sex with and you cheat…..that says a lot about relationship. It’s foundation wasn’t built on much when not having sex is the cause of a breakup. Getting fulfilled in other areas helps build the foundation of a relationship.

      As far as people that get married and aren’t satisfied sexually by their mate….I know God would not bless a union and not have your spouse please you. He wants to give us the desires of our heart.

      All in all, it’s definitely different strokes for different folks. Everything is not for everyone.

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