Most women would say not much to the question in this title. Sex has become the “deal breaker” in a lot of relationships. Something so precious and meant to be sacred is now just the normalcy of most relationships. Men pride themselves on getting the females into bed quickly while some women confused having great sex with a guy is him loving her. The harsh reality of this all, in my opinion, both men and women are creating more harm than good when a relationship is based on sex.
The fact I’m not private about being celibate in my current relationship…..the shock never gets old when people find out. I have made the decision to wait until I’m someone’s wife before I have sex again. Trust me when I tell you it was not an easy decision. Especially the sexual background I had. My decision was not based on heartbreak from a man, its strictly because my walk will aline with my talk. I’m a strong woman of God and in order for me to represent the body of Christ correctly, I must lead by example. What is funny though when I tell people their reactions and what I’m thinking about when I get questions like “how long you been doing that? oh, girl you a strong one, I could not do that” or “he’s okay with that? that’s different”
If I was having sex in my relationship now and it was removed you would have an unbreakable bond left. Not to brag but my relationship is amazing. Our journey to the road we are currently at now has been earth-shattering. The highs and lows of this love were designed in a way that strengthens us both as adults. But enough about our love…I mention all of that to say sex is a non-factor and we still have a great relationship. Many women I have come across in the last five years believe that in order to have a successful relationship now of days it has to be burning up in the bedroom. Ladies, ladies….please stop selling yourself so short.
I’m always speaking from experience, taking sex out of the equation helps strengthen a relationship. You do not have all the smoking mirrors when sex is involved. The two of you are 100% thinking with a clear head and seeing the true value in one another.
If you are like most women, you probably already put so much value on sex. I know before my current relationship I did too. That was a huge mistake. Truth time….OUR VAGINAS ARE ALL THEE SAME. Meaning whether it’s you or someone else, he can pretty much get the same deal. The fact you believe you are the only one that can satisfy him or the sex you have with him is what keeps him around isn’t a great way of thinking. I learned I wanted to be a priority to my man, the one he opens up to emotionally, take serious, vacations with…. he’s go-to for everything in life. Not just a nut and occasional pillow talk.
Trust me I’m not judging the folks who choose to have sex before marriage. I was that woman at one time as well. It took several years, a serious breakdown and seeking God to get me to know my worth. I received my revelation from God that those relationships I entertained for so many years were not just based on sex but lead solely on a sexual foundation. They would have ended as soon as I decided to remove sex.
So I simply ask you though…take away the sex from the equation. Even if you are not in a relationship and just are dating, how is your dating life if you reframed from sex? What kind of relationship foundation would you have? Is there still trust? do you still like/love him? is that obsession still there? Would your significant other stick around?